Ponyboy's Confessions
by spicygurl
Summary: Ponyboy is giving Johnny weird looks, when Johnny finally calls him out, Ponyboy is forced to tell Johnny his secret or lose his best friend. Ponyboy is gay. Don't like, Don't read. R&R!
1. I can see you know

Prologue

I couldn't explain it. These strange urges I get when he walks by. They had me so confused. I've never felt such a strong attraction for anyone before. But this love would never be, he's my best friend and that's all he'll ever be, all he _should _ever be. That's why I've decided to never tell him or anyone. Johnny Cade, my best friend.

Ponyboy's POV

I came back from school, exhasted and hungry. The schools food was only good for people who enjoyed "recycled" food. I knew Darry and Soda were out at work, so it was up to me to make my own food.

I dropped my worn backpack where I was standing and walked into the kitchen. I moved to the fridge and pulled the fridge and freezer open at the same time. A wall of cool air flew past me, instantly releiving my exhaustion. I scanned the shelves for something that I could eat that wasn't cold, but didn't take long to cook. I settled for a T.V dinner. I quikly popped it into the microwave for 3 minutes and sat at the table watching the meal make a full revolution every 12 seconds.

Just as the microwave stopped, the door swung open and in came a very upset Johnny.

"Hey Johnnycake what's wrong?" I asked scincerly.

"M-my dad. H-he pulled a blade on me. S-said if I ever act up again, he'll finish me off, f-for good." Johnny was pretty tuff before he got jumped by some socs months ago. Ever scince he's been afraid of any mustang he ever saw.

I stepped in closer to him. "Johnny if you wanna stay here, you know Soda and Darry will be more than happy to let you."

"Thanks Pony." He had stopped crying at this point. He gave me a sincere smile and a big hug. I could feel my cheeks get hot and I knew I was blushing. He pulled back. "You alright, Pone?"

"Fine." I answered too quick.

He stared at me alittle longer and then shrugged his shoulders.

I walked to the kitchen and pulled my food out of the microwave. I turned around to get a fork from the drawer to see Johnny sitting at the table watching the steam rise from my food.

"You hungry Johnny?" I asked.

"Yeah. My folks don't feed me and going to the kitchen without getting beat is entirly impossible." His stomach growled to back up his response.

_Wow. Even his stomaches voice is cute, _I thought.

"Pone, you alright?" Johnny asked.

I nodded, and continued to get Johnny a T.V dinner of his own. I put his in and sat in front of him. He was staring at my food and it was starting to make me feel self concious of my cooking.

I was gonna say something but the microwave interrupted me. He got up and I used the opportunity to scarff everything down without his eyes watching.

I finushed quickly and put my fork in the sink. Walking back to the table, I couldn't help but notice that Johnny had the cutest way of chewing. I sat at the table and watched him eat.

He looked up then. "What you starin' at, Pony?"

I flushed, "Nothin'." He looked away and I continued to stare.

He finished his meal and put his fork in the sink. "Whatcha wanna do know?" He asked me. It took me a while to comprehend cuz I was still staring at him. But when I understood I told him we could do anything he wanted to. It didn't really matter to me, because anything we did I would be staring at him.

He suggested the movies and I abliged.

We went to see some horror/comedy/romance. I stared at him as he tried to get into the movie. None of our gang could understand movies or books or anything, because they couldn't sit still long enough to try. Johnny was the only one who attempted and the faces he makes are why I love going to the movies with him.

He looked at me to see if I was getting it, and immediately his expression turned angry. "Why are you staring at me like that? I know my scars make me look ugly and I don't need a pretty boy staring at them making me feel worse!"

I was shocked that he was angry and mad that he came to that of all conclusions. "You think I care what my best friend looks like?"

"Well you seem to! Seeing as your always staring at me like that!"

"I don't care about what people look like! Not you not anybody!" I yelled.

"Oh yeah? What about Cherry Valance?"

"She a girl! It's a totally different scenario!"

"You've gotta be kidding me!" Johnny said shaking his head.

"No! I'm not!" I wanted to prove it but here was not the place. "Johnny i don't wanna fight with you. Maybe we should just go home."

He agreed and we got up and left.

_That was close, _i thought. _I'd better watch it before I acidently tell Johnny i love him._

**A/N: That's all for now R&R please!!! It's my 1st story be gentle. **


	2. Run

**A/N: Sorry to keep you waiting. I've been really busy lately, answering my PM's and stuff. So without further adeu, here's chapter 2 of Ponyboy's Confessions!!! R&R!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

**P.S I know it's short! Getting though mild writers block...**

Johnny's POV

We started walking to Pony's house, and I was really feeling guilty for yelling at him like that. I should know better than to think he would even think anything like that. If my looks mattered, I wouldn't be his best friend, and he wouldn't be mine. He hasn't said anything this whole walk and I felt like he was mad at me. And when people are mad at me, they usually hit me, and I didn't want to be hit.

"Ponyboy, look, I'm sorry man. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings, or anything." I looked over at him. He was looking down at his feet, trying not to step on his untied shoelaces.

"It's alright." He said in a monotone.

"Don't be mad at me, Ponyboy." I stopped walking, and he stopped with me.

"I ain't mad at you, Johnny. I mad at what you said." He said.

"I said I didn't mean it. I don't think your a pretty boy, it was just the first thing that came to mind."

"Not that!" He yelled at me. "How can you think your not 'good looking'?"

That caught me off guard. Why would he care? "'Cause these damn scars are-"

"They're beautiful!" He slapped a hand over his mouth.

"What?" I asked. He didn't answer. "What did you say, Ponyboy?"

He shook his head and took slow steps backward. "Ponyboy!" I yelled, and with that he took off running, full-speed to his house.

I knew I wouldn't catch him, but I still ran. I had to straighten this out once and for all.

**A/N: Well, what did you think? Review!!! Thanks!**


	3. Stay

**A/N: Sorry to keep you all waiting soo long! Somethings changed in my house and I can only update on weekends. So, I will do my best to add a chapter Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. However, I'm not promising anything! R&R, please!**

Johnny POV

I finally made it to the Curtis house and plopped onto the couch, and tried to catch my breath. Once my breathing finally returned to normal, I called for Ponyboy. When nobody answered, I got up and wondered down the hall to Ponyboy's room. I've only been in there twice and it was pretty clean. But ever since Soda moved in with him, he's been complaining that it's been an absolute mess. I haven't seen it though.

I got to his door and put my ear against it. I listened carefully enough to hear the quiet sobs Ponyboy's mouth released. I didn't think twice about it; I walked right in. He didn't hear me come in, because when I sat down on the bed he jumped and yelled, "How long have you been here?" He tried his hardest to stop crying, but the harder he tried, the louder the sobs broke.

It didn't bother me that he was gay right now. He was my best friend first and he needed me. I threw my arms around him and pulled him into a tight hug.

He was surprised and didn't move at first, he quickly came over it and hugged me back. He squeezed me really tight, then pushed me roughly off the bed. His normally green-gray eyes, were black and his voice was horse. "Leave while you can."

"What?" I asked. "Ponyboy, what does that mean?"

"Leave now, before you can hurt me anymore." He was looking straight at me, absolutely serious.

I shook my head. "I won't hurt you, Ponyboy. I didn't mean to hurt you. I'm sorry."

"Yes, yes you will. You don't know what you're doing to me right now." He laughed humorlessly.

"I'm not leaving. I'm not gonna leave my best friend. You will always be my best friend, even if you are gay." Surprisingly, I didn't choke on the last word, like I thought I would.

He just shook his head. "It's better you leave. If you don't hurt me, I'll hurt you, physically. I want you so bad," He chuckled. "I'd do anything to get you." He licked his lips.

I gulped. "I'm not leaving, Ponyboy. You can just forget it! I won't! I won't leave you!" _What am I saying? He's gay for crying out loud!_

He smiled, evilly. "Okay. You can stay." And he walked over to me.


	4. I won't leave you!

**A/N: I owe you guys Chapter 4, too. So here you go. R&R!**

Ponyboy POV

I walked over to Johnny, to give him a hug. I spread my arms out to wrap them around him, and he flinched.

I immediately stopped. "I wasn't gonna do anything." He was shaking. "You don't believe me." It wasn't a question. I dropped my arms and walked back over to the bed. I sat down and held my head in my hands.

I felt his hand on my shoulder and looked up. He was searching my eyes for something. When he found it, he dropped his hand and just looked at it.

I shot up and yelled, "Afraid my gayness rubbed off on ya? Or maybe-maybe you'll catch a disease! If you don't wanna be here get the fuck out, cuz you know what? I don't want you here!" He didn't expect an outburst like that. Hell, _I _didn't expect an outburst like that.

He took a few steps back and answered quietly, "No. You've changed, Ponyboy, and I-"

I interrupted him. "Well, duh, I changed! I'm gay! What do you expect? Just-"

"No!" He scared me when he yelled. Johnny never yelled. _Ever. _"I told you, I wasn't leaving you and I'm not! So quit pushing me out of your life. Because as long as your my best friend, I ain't gonna budge!" That was probably the most Johnny's ever said at a time.

I was speechless. There was no way I could top that. Johnny was the definition of a best friend and I was glad he was mine. Maybe that's why I love him, because he was always there for me, and here I was, treating him like an asshole.

"Johnny, I-" I started. I was interrupted by the door swinging open.

Soda "Ponyboy, y'all keep it down. Dinner's ready. You stayin' Johnnycake?" Soda asked.

Johnny glared at me, than turned around to face Soda. "No." He said, and he pushed roughly past Soda, "Excuse me."

Soda watched him walk down the hall. "Where are you goin', Johnny?"

"Where do you think?" He was angry, I understand, but he didn't need to take it out on Soda.

"Did I say something?" Soda asked me. I rolled my eyes and walked passed him.

He was at the door and when he opened it, Two-Bit and Dally were on the other side. They bumped into each other pretty hard, and that only made Johnny more mad.

"Woah, where's the fire, kid?" Two-Bit laughed.

"Piss off!" Johnny yelled.

"What's your problem, Johnny?" Dally asked.

"Why don't you ask Ponyboy, he seems to know everything already!" And with that Johnny left, slamming the door behind him.

"YOU SAID YOU'D NEVER LEAVE!" I yelled, and ran back to my room slamming the door, louder than Johnny slammed the front door.

I fell on the bed and sighed heavily. It shocked me when a sob came from my mouth, I hadn't realized I'd been crying. So I lay there, crying my eyes out.

_Damn, what have I done now?_

**A/N: Emotional, I know. Lots of drama. Well, what did you think? R&R! NO FLAMES!**


	5. They can't!

**A/N: Sorry guys, I took forever on this. Wait- what's that on your computer screen? Wait for it! Wait for it! It's chapter 5!!!!!!!! Whoooo! Well, here you are, chapter 5.**

Johnny's POV

I pushed past Two-Bit and Dally. "Where's the fire, kid?" Two-Bit laughed.

I was in no mood for this. "Piss off." I said. I know it wasn't like me, but I had to get out. I wasn't sure about this 'Ponyboy is gay' thing. I know for a fact I'm not gay. I've never doubted it once, but goddamn.

I was taking long strides, so I was halfway through the yard when I heard Ponyboy yell, "You said you'd never leave!" And I instantly stopped.

He was right.

I was figuring on going to the lot and back, but instead I circled the house a few times. After about the sixth time around, I was cooled down enough to go back in, but I was scared. Scared that they would be mad at me. Soda would be mad that that I pushed him, Two-Bit would be mad I told him to piss of, Ponyboy would be the angriest though, and quite frankly he's the one I'm afraid to face the most, because I broke promise. Instead of walking in, I sat on the porch, looking at nothing in particular.

I sat there and thought about Ponyboy, trying to figure out when he'd turned gay. I thought back as long ago as when he was 12 and I was 14, to as recent the day we went to the movies...the day he first told me...

The door opened and closed, but I was too far off to hear it. "Johnny?" The person asked.

I looked to my right to see a red-eyed Ponyboy. His eyes were red from all the crying he's done, and his face was paled as well.

I looked straight in his eyes. "Ponyboy, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to break the promise." I chuckled. "Well, so soon anyway."

Ponyboy was looking into the distance. He chuckled too. "Yeah. I actually don't blame you. I almost feel like I know where your coming from, ya dig?"

I thought about it. "Yeah. So..." I started.

He looked at me. "Yeah?"

I swayed a little and looked at my shoes. "How long...?"

I didn't finish, but I knew he knew what I meant. "Not as long as you'd think. You remember Curly Shepard?"

"Yeah." I answered, wondering what on earth Shepard had to do with this.

"We started hanging out, and you know."

"No, I don't. Tell me."

"He said he was...gayandthathelikedme." Ponyboy finished, turning unnaturally red.

"What?" I asked.

"He said he was gayandthathelikedme."

"Ponyboy, come on."

He shot straight up. "What the hell is everyone's goddamn problem today? He told me he was gay! The motherfucker said he liked me! No! He said he was in love with me! How the hell am I supposed to live with that, huh? You come up with something, and tell me!" He sounded like he was talking through tears. I really didn't want him to cry anymore, he's done enough for today. I swear, that boy goes through four times the shit that a normal 14-year-old boy should. I really felt bad for him.

He sniffled. "I fell like the whole world has it out for me, man. I mean, I come home one day and some cop tells me my parents are dead! Then, I get the most horrifying dreams, that scare me half to death! Then a few weeks later, I find my best friend in the park, doubled over and just about ready to bite the dust! As if it ain't bad enough knowing his dad beats the shit outta him every time he walks in the door, and having to sit back and watch because you can't do a damn thing about it! As if _that's_ not enough, I got one of my friends tellin' me he _loves _me!"

I felt so bad for him. No words could truly describe the pain I felt for my best friend "Pony..."

He whispered. "I come home to be yelled at for making an 'A' on a test when I could have gotten an 'A+'. Every night-" He wiped his tears. "Every night, I go to bed wondering who's gonna be there when I wake up. _If _I wake up."

"If? What do you mean if?'" I asked. He looked away. "Ponyboy, look at me! What do you mean if?"

"Not everyone wakes up, Johnny. It's like that you know."

"You know that's not what I meant. Ponyboy, were you thinking about suicide?"

He turned his back to me, but I wouldn't have it. I grabbed his shoulder and spun him around. "You listen to me, any thoughts you've ever had about that stuff, will stop NOW, understand?" He seemed scared. His eyes were wide and he froze, but when he came back to earth he nodded. "Good. Now come inside, you'll freeze to death out here."

He smiled. "You ain't a woofin'." And we walked back inside.

Ponyboy POV

"You know that's not what I meant." Johnny said. He was right, I knew what he was hinting at, but I chose to play dumb. "Ponyboy, were you thinking about suicide?"

I turned around, I couldn't face him. _So what? _I thought, _it'd end everything. All my earthly problems would be solved, and nobody would be bothered about my homosexuality. Just a weight off their back._

I felt Johnny's hand on my shoulder and he forced me to face him. "You listen to me, any thoughts you've ever had about that stuff, will stop NOW, understand?" He said. He was so close to my face, it took all my power not to kiss him right there. And his breath, a mix of pepsi and smoke, warm on my face. I'd give anything to have it in my mouth right now...

It took me a while to realize, Johnny was waiting for a response. I nodded, and surprisingly, managed to keep my face from burning up in embarrassment.

"Good. Now come inside you'll freeze to death out here."

I somehow managed a decent smile and said, "You ain't a woofin'." As we walked back inside.

We walked into the living room, where everyone was deathly silent. I looked around the room, everyone was looking at us.

"Who died?" I asked.

"Ponyboy." Soda said releaved, and he walked over to me and hugged me super tight.

"Air, Soda. I need air." I managed.

He laughed and released me. He looked from me to Johnny and back to me. "You guys...friends again?"

I smiled. "Why wouldn't we be?" I looked around the room everyone looked so dead. "Did we miss something?" I looked at Johnny who was looking at Dally. Dally was giving him a death glare. I did a double take. _Wait, _Dally _giving _Johnny _a death glare? Something is definatly wrong. Very wrong._

"What's going on?" I asked. When nobody answered I began to panic. "What happened?" I asked frantically. They just stared at me, and Johnny looked at his shoes. I felt my eyes would pop out of their sockets, if they widened any more. I took a step back. "Why won't anybody tell me?" I was almost hysterical, and surprisingly, I wasn't crying. Nobody moved. "Soda?"

Soda looked away.

"Darry?"

Darry just stared like I was a mental patient.

"Steve? Two-Bit? Dally?"

They scowled at me when their names were called.

I laughed, all humor gone. "It's a joke, ain't it?" I looked at Johnny. The look on his face told me what I wanted so badly to know. I shook my head at him. "No! Your lying! That's not possible!" He he looked away, telling me that it _was _indeed the truth. I shook my head, refusing to believe it. "No! They can't know!"

**A/N: Ooh, sorry to leave you hanging. My writing style works like this: If I write too much at one ****time, my story will in the wrong direction. But if I take my time, it turns into a kind of cliff hanger, that hooks readers, and sends POSITIVE reviews my way. Each chapter of any story I write is written over a span of three days, and read over once. The next few days, it just sits in my computer while I think of things to change or add. Well anyways, sorry to keep you waiting. REVIEW! NO FLAMES!**


	6. Stop running

**A/N: I know it's been forever since I updated, but here is Chapter 6 for those of my readers who are still interested as to what happens. R&R!!! NO FLAMES!!!**

Ponyboy POV

How? How is it possible they know? I was careful enough...wasn't I? I was backing up towards the door. Repeating over and over again, "They can't know! It's not possible! There's no way!" I bumped into the door and turned to open it for the second time that night, when in the corner of my eye, I saw the blue, shaggy curtains fluttering in the breeze of the slightly agar window. My mistake, now clear as day, in front of me.

I didn't turn around when I asked, "How long was that window open."

Soda answered. "A while."

"So...you heard me. You know I'm gay. Are you gonna disown me now, huh? Am I still in the gang or do I have to find a new one?" My heart shattered when nobody answered. "Well, I guess I'll be on my way now." I opened the door, but a strong hand closed it roughly.

"Goddamn, Ponyboy, quit running from every damn problem you face! It doesn't help!" It was Johnny. "Stay here and face problems like the man you are! The gay man you are!" I stared at Johnny, like I did before, when we were outside. Indulged in admiration and submerged in the deep love I felt for him.

I sighed. "Fine, only for you Johnnycake." I caressed his cheek, and he flinched. Perfectly normal for Johnny. I turned to face the rest of the gang, and started my speech. "I'm gay, so what? I've been gay for a good part of my life, and you know what? I couldn't be happier. I love Johnny, not the other way around. As far as I know, Johnny isn't gay. So, if you're gonna hate anyone, it should be me, not him. If you're gonna disown anyone, it should be me, not him. If you're gonna kick anyone out, make it me, not him. If-" My voice cracked. "If you're gonna beat me up, do it quick, if it makes you feel any better that is. But just know this-I will NEVER change, because I like me, my friends like me, my parents like me. And if they were alive, I wouldn't care what any of you thought, cuz they love me no matter what, and that's all the love in the world I could need."

I looked at all of them and when no one moved, I smiled inwardly. "I'll be in my room." And I walked off, closing the door softly behind me.

Dally POV

The kid went on and on about some gay shit, literally. I was just about ready to beat the living tar out of the little fagot for touching Johnny, when he walked away. _What the fuck?_ I thought, _he's done already?_ Doesn't mean I shouldn't still warn the kid, after all Darry's pretty big and he'd have my head if I just beat his kid brother senseless for no reason. Actually, I think he'd have my head whether I had a reason or not, but it's better to play it safe.

When nobody was looking or really paying attention I made like I was going to the bathroom, but instead I veered right and walked into Pony and Soda's room. I really hadn't been back here, so it was like walking into a new country. Everything so new and foreign.

I saw Ponyboy in the corner huddled up and staring at a picture he held in his hands. I stomped on the floor to get his attention and he quickly turned in my direction. "Listen up, Kid, I'm only sayin' this once. You touch Johnny and I promise you'll never see daylight again. You seduce him, an' I promise you're third leg will be gone by the time you wake up." I got in his face for this one, "Turn Johnny gay. Heaven forbid, Johnny comes skipping here in a broad's dress, I'll do the worst thing you could ever imagine."

Ponyboy gulped. "L-like what? You already threatened to kill me."

I smiled evilly. "No, I won't kill you, I'll do worse. I'll hurt you everyday, more and more, and let you suffer. Suffer painfully, miserably. I'll make you _wish _that I had just killed you instead."

"If Johnny likes me, that's his business, not yours!" Ponyboy said firmly.

I've got to admit that I was more than a little shocked that he wasn't that afraid of me, but I still stood behind my mask of fearlessness. "Try me," I tested. I got up to leave and just before I closed the door I said, "And kid, know the difference between a threat and promise." I closed the door and leaned against it. Hearing the quiet chocked sobs, I smiled to myself. "Job well done."

Johnny POV

I think I was the only one who saw Dally go into Ponyboy's room a while ago. I guess you could say, I'm pretty much over this 'Ponyboy is Gay' thing, I mean, I was the first to know after all.

About 7 minutes later, Dally came out of the room and pressed his ear against the door. He smiled and said something to himself before joining the rest of the gang in the living room. I eyed him suspiciously when he wasn't looking. Something didn't seem right, and I don't think I liked the vibes I was getting from the atmosphere.

I got up and walked to Pony's room, opening the door gingerly. "Ponyboy?" I asked.

He sniffled and looked at me with red eyes. "Ponyboy, what happened?" I asked frantically, slinging an arm over his shoulders and pulling him in a comforting grip. He turned and bawled into my shoulder, wetting it for the 2nd time that night. When he finally calmed down, he answered me.

"Dally, he-he doesn't want you to change in anyway or he'll come after me." Pony said, his voice was dry and airy; you could tell he was crying just by his tone.

"What? What did he say?"

He shook his head. "Nothing."

"Ponyboy I can't help you if you don't let me. What did Dallas tell you?"

"He said that if I upset you, he'd kill me. If I try anything funny with you, he'd neuter me. And if...if I turned you gay, he'd make me suffer for the rest of my life. He meant it, too."

I was really disappointed with my hero. "Don't worry, Ponyboy, you ain't got nothing to worry about. Do you really think the gang would let anything bad happen to you?" He was quiet for a while, then he shook his head. "That's right. They won't. Especially those over-protective brothers of yours." He smiled at me and I returned it.

"Come on, Kid, I'm hungry. Wanna head over to the Dingo?" I asked.

"Sure do!" He answered.

**A/N: Thanks for reading! R&R!!! NO FLAMES!!!!**


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